He lies to me daily. I want to trust him so much it hurts! I want to know that he will make the right choices. I want to know that when he looks me in the eyes, he is telling me the truth. I try to make every day a new day and do my best to trust him, but it is hard. He lies about everything from doing his homework, to brushing his teeth or taking a shower, to events that happened (or didn’t happen) at school. Every time he lies, it hurts and leaves me, well….vulnerable.
He does it to the entire family. We have all been hurt from time to time. My hubby is not around it as much. He gets hurt, but he just doesn’t feel it as deeply. He is able to let things roll off his back and move on.
My youngest son gets hurt so often because he has to balance the inability to believe and trust in his older brother (who is supposed to be there for him). It has really affected him deeply. It worries me and breaks my heart.
I love Hunter with every inch of my heart. I want the best for him in every way. I try every day to do the very best job I can at being his mom. I feel that even when I am at the top of my game, it is not good enough for him. I know that because he is the closest to me, I am an easy target, but it still hurts. It still makes me question myself and my ability as his mother.