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Thursday, September 18, 2014

The way-to-cool-to-talk-to-mom-until-trapped-in-a-car, teenager

I love the rides to school in the morning. Well, I should say, I love some rides to school on some mornings. Others are filled with a lot of loudness and craziness from a couple of boys in a vehicle way to small for a mom who hasn't had a sip of coffee.

Anyway, back to the story...I really do enjoy most mornings in the car, especially once I drop my little guy off, because it is just me and the teenager. The way-to-cool-to-talk-to-mom-until-trapped-in-a-car, teenager. Yes, this is my time to have deep discussions about girls, life, school, mean kids, nice kids, hopes, dreams, you name it, and he can do NOTHING about it (insert evil laugh)!!!

This morning, our morning discussion was about school. It is his fourth week, and he is already behind. Year after year, we have had the same issues with school. He has had trouble staying organized, he has struggled to keep up with his homework, he has lied almost every night about the amount of homework he has. Schoolwork has always been one, big, constant stressor for our family.

This year, my fears are magnified due to the fact that he is an 8th grader. This is it!! If he can't get his organization figured out by the end of this year, how will he ever handle high school! If he can't understand the importance of homework, how is he ever going to pass high school and move on to college.

During our 15 minute discussion this morning about his grades, I made the comment to him that when he lies to me about homework and doesn't turn his assignments in on time, he is only hurting himself. He looked at me and said, "You don't understand me at all! It is not that I don't want to do my homework, it is that my brain just can't take any more. It is tired and exhausted just can't do anymore!"

Suddenly, it smacked me in the face! Why did I not comprehend this before?? My son has ADHD. His brain is moving at a much faster pace than mine will ever go. It is going non-stop until he goes to sleep at night.  My son has Asperger's syndrome. His brain is having to work double-time just to process things that come easily to others. He is starting at 7a.m. By 3, 4, or 5 o'clock, his brain has to be exhausted. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to be him. Then, I am asking him what homework he has, and his mind is saying "I can't do this", and his mouth his speaking the words, "I don't have any."

For the first time ever, I feel like I understand his struggles with school. I would love to say that I feel so much better now, but I don't. Actually, I am even more fearful of how hard life is going to be for him. How is he ever going to handle college or a job or doing homework with his own children, if his brain just can't keep up?? I can only hope and pray that eventually, it clicks. Somehow, someway, he will figure out how to make this all work to his advantage. I hope that this all happens sooner than later.

I don't have all the answers, but for now, I am just thankful for those 15 minutes of a trapped teenager in a car. My son, who I love so much and understand just a little better.