Friday, May 17, 2013

Fighting the daily battles

It is hard to explain to someone what it is like to raise a child on the spectrum. The daily battles; the dozen arguments before my first cup of coffee; the constant lying; hoarding of food; obsessions...oh my, the obsessions!  There are struggles with homework every single day and constant emails back and forth between teachers. He is constantly calling me and my younger son names (my husband usually dodges the bullets) and exhibiting selfish, egocentric behavior.

I love him so much. I want the best for them. I know these behaviors are not all his fault, but it does not make the pain that comes out of his mouth any easier. The words still sting. The judgement from others still hurts. There is a resentment because no matter how much I do for him, it is never enough. He still wants more. No matter how tired I am, he still needs more! No matter how hard I work, I just can't keep up with the demands.

All of these things are offset by the bullying he gets at school; his struggles with handwriting; his realization that he is different from the other kids. The hormones have kicked in and he is a total mess. His daily struggles break my heart.

 I can't do anything to shelter him from all of this. I can only sit back and try to be understanding and loving. I can try to prompt discussions and try to support him by letting him know I am here. I have to set boundaries for him, even though he hates me for them now! Eventually these preteen woes will turn into real life concerns. I have to do my best to prepare him for those things.

I am his Mom. I can't give up! It is my job and this is one job I can't quit, so I will fight the battles day by day, one struggle at a time. I just hope that in the end, we are both victorious!