Thursday, May 30, 2013

Time will tell

This morning, as I dropped Hunter off at school, I had this wave of panic run through me. He only has one more week of school, and then, he is a 7th grader. I can remember dropping him off the first day of 6th grade. He was so nervous!  He was in a brand new school in a brand new state with all new kids. As with most Aspergers kiddos, change is not his friend, so I held my breath as he got out of the car and prayed for the best.

Here we are 9 months later, and suddenly, my meek little 6th grader has hair on his lip and is growing muscles. He has grown at least 4 inches. His attitude has grown too. My fears for my son with Aspergers syndrome have moved from will he be able to ride a bike or tie his shoes or write his name to how is he going to survive in life.

This has been finals week at school and it has not been easy. He just does not get the concept of how to study. As a matter of fact, he doesn't seem to understand that he needs to study at all. Jeff and I have both tried to explain how much these final grades will affect his grades for the year, but it seems to go right over his head. All of this scares me because I don't know how he is every going to take care of himself. Will he be able to go to college? Will he even be able to make it into or through a trade school? How will he hold down a job?

All I could think about in that car line this morning was the fact that 9 months ago I thought that we had 3 whole years of middle school to get through. Now, one is already done! One year has already passed! That means that the next two years of school will fly by too, and then we are maneuvering through high school, and then what?? I just keep thinking back to all the things we have been through and telling myself we made it through then, and we will make it through now, and we will make it through in the future.

 When I had this little boy, I promised to give him the best life possible. I have tried my best. Now, I worry what will happen when I pass the torch to him. What will happen when his life is in his own hands. Will he fly or fail? Will I have given him everything I could possibly give him to succeed at a happy life? I guess time will tell.