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Sunday, April 21, 2013

Feet in the sand and a margarita in my hand



These were my thoughts from my crazy day yesterday:

So today started like many other mornings. I woke up hopeful for the new day to start.  I was ready for my cup of coffee and to put my big girl panties on and kick some ass on this Saturday.  My hubby had the coffeepot ready and I was ready to go.

 Not long after, it began. The strife, the headache, the teeth hurting from clinching my jaw. Then came laundry; more fighting with Hunter;  cleaning the kitchen; more fighting with Hunter; trying to take a shower;  fighting with kids over video games; driving to a little league baseball game; fighting in the car between the kids. Now, my hubby and I are fighting over the fighting and well...I'm done. This mama needs some Calgon.

I try to keep my head up day after day, but sometimes it all just becomes too much.  I am trying to find little things to look forward to from day to day, but it is tough to keep my head up. Every day is the same. It has been for years, but since he turned twelve...yikes!!!  It is the same fighting over and over. I try to keep my voice low and calm because he keeps going and keeps fighting, but eventually I lose it!

He is constantly sneaking WII remote controls and IPods at night, so we now have a safe to keep them away from him. He is constantly sneaking food, so anything we need to keep away from him has to go in the safe.  We recently figured out he is watching inappropriate videos with his little brother about how to play a certain video game, so the parental controls are now on the IPods. His new fun is pitting my husband and I against each other to get what he wants, and it is all too fun when he calls me "bitch" under his breath or calls his little brother "stupid", "dumb", and every other condescending remark. It is now not only affecting me, but it is really hurting Grant's self-confidence, and a constant strain on my marriage.

It is even more fun when he gets in trouble and suddenly it is our fault. We are supposed to let him do whatever he want whenever he wants.  In what world should a child be able to do what he wants to when he want with no consequences....Hunter's world!

My husband keeps telling me we need to keep talking to him and eventually we will get through to him. I wish some of his optimism would wear off on me. I just don't know where to go from here. I'm just exhausted. I need a break! I need my feet in the sand and a margarita in my hand.