Our appointment was at 4:00 yesterday afternoon. My husband, myself, Grant, and Hunter all walked into the psychologist's office. She said, "Hunter, do you know why you are here?" He said, "No..." Then, she looked at me and said, "Mom, why don't you start us off by telling him why we are here today. " My mind was churning and I was thinking, "Oh crap!!! What do I say now?" So I did what any loving wife should do, I said, "Jeff, you are better at this, why don't you start?" Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I threw my hubby under the bus in a big way!!!
Jeff did a wonderful job of starting the conversation. He said, "Hunter you have mentioned before that you feel weird sometimes." Hunter agreed. Then, the doctor began by explaining that when many people deal with similar characteristics, they are often given a name for the person who did the research. In this case, the characteristics are named for a man with the last name of Asperger.
Immediately, Grant and Hunter began laughing inappropriately! It did not take 5 seconds for the words "ass" and "burger" to come out of their mouths in a loud and embarassing way . Jeff and I just grinned and shook our heads.
The doctor went on to explain the many characteristics of Aspergers. She mentioned obsessions, trouble in social situations,etc ..... Then, she asked him if any of those seemed familiar to him. He kind of grinned and said a few odd remarks under his breath. I know he understood exactly what she was saying, but he was obviously very uncomfortable.
He then asked a very interesting question, "Will this affect my lifespan?" She said, "Do you mean will this kill you? No, this will not kill you. You will die with this because it is part of who you are, but it will not take your life." He seemed somewhat calmed by this fact.
She also explained to him that things like driving a car might happen later to him. I was relieved when she explained that Grant might do things at different ages. She said we might allow Grant to do things earlier and that did not show our love of Grant versus him. It only reflected our desire to keep him safe and respect where each of them were in their maturity level at the time.
We ended with asking him if he had any more questions. He seemed done and ready to get home. On the way out to the parking lot Jeff whishpered to me under his breath, "Were you surprised at how well he took it?" I replied, "No, he took it exactly how I thought he would. He already knew."
Last night he did not say a word about it. Life went on as usual. This morning we woke to a new day. Hunter is the same boy with the same worries and obsessions and difficulties. He is the same child that was diagnosed 7 years ago. Our tears flowed then. We dealt with it then. We mourned then. Now, he knows, and there is a clarity to the situation. There is a closure we all needed and life goes on as normal! (Well as normal as our life gets.)
as usual beautifully stated--glad things went well and without crisis-- tell Hunter that Granny and Grand Dad love him
ReplyDeleteThank you Granny! I will tell them :)
ReplyDeleteHi- may i ask if you regret not telling him sooner? We are in the same boat now with our 7 year old. many thanks
ReplyDeleteHi there Eva! Thank you so much for the kind words! I do not regret not telling him sooner. We always let him know he had challenges in certain areas that others didn't necessarily have, we just never put a certain label on it! After telling him the actual name for his diagnosis, it has gone so smoothly! I think he is very comfortable with it! It is so different for every child, but for him, I feel that letting him mature was the right decision. I do suggest preparing your child before you tell them though. I think it is important for them to know that the label is not as important as them being the person they are meant to be.
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