Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Finding rays of sunshine through the driving rain

I wrote this in my journal several weeks ago after dropping the kids off at school one morning:

Today while driving the kids to school the rain was pouring down. I was nervous because the roads were wet and I could barely see out of my windshield.  I could not wait to pull into the garage where it would be quiet and peaceful.  I could not wait for the rain to stop pounding against the metal of the car.  That is exactly how I feel about life right now.  I can't wait for the anxiety and worry to stop beating down on me and the peace to begin.  I crave that quiet.
It had been a tough morning. By the time I dropped Hunter off at school I felt like I had been to battle. I don't remember what the struggle was that morning, but once again, I felt defeated. That's the thing with raising a child on the spectrum. There are many days of that driving rain. There are many days when the rain just won't stop. It seems as if there is no hope for a brighter day. Those seemingly never ending days leave you feeling hopeless and scared, but then those occasional days with a ray of sunshine keep you going and holding on.

The rays of light come in many forms. They can be a breakthrough from your child; a shared bottle of wine with a friend; a surprise Facebook message from someone you miss; kind words from a stranger; words of encouragement or understanding from a friend or family member,there are so many small things that keep you going. Many times they seem too few and far between, but they are there. Sometimes, we just have to make our own rays of light by making plans for a girls night or a date night or planning a weekend getaway. Those things keep us going and make the noise from the pounding rain just a little quieter

The hardest part about raising a child with special needs is that you can't stop. This is one job you can't quit. You have no real options but to keep going and keep fighting. I think that is what makes the days so tough sometimes. It gets harder and harder to find that glimmer of hope through the driving rain.

Today, Hunter is in a good mood. We had an uneventful morning and the afternoon has been peaceful.  So for right now, in this minute of this day, I am going to grab onto the ray of sunshine and keep going.